How To Properly and Effectively Discuss A Divorce With Your Children
Children are affected by divorce – during the process as well
as after it. They may show outward emotional signs of this suffering by
being angry, fearful, anxious or depressed. Divorce can have such a
negative impact on a child, which is why it’s so important to speak
with them and assist them in coping with the issue.
Divorce is an already complicated process, but if you throw children
into the mix and it becomes that much more complex. The courts will
have to work out child support and custody, but the reality is the
parents will have to let the children know that their once-happy-family
is breaking up.
How Children Are Hurt and
Affected By Divorce
Divorce affects children while the divorce proceedings are going on and
when it’s over. According to studies, the effect divorce has on them is
both emotional and behavioral. They may not have successful
relationship and do poorly in school.
Emotionally they may angry, fearful and depressed. They are easily
losing stability in their home – no longer is it both mom and dad but
either one or the other. For that reason, they may feel
abandoned and may experience illnesses more often.
Children with divorcing parents may start expressing their anger in
behavioral changes:
• Shouting/yelling
• Defiance
• Refusal to listen
These actions can occur in the home and at school. Statistics shows
that children with divorced parents tend to have a higher chance of
using drugs and alcohol and commit petty crimes. All these actions are
the result of divorce.
What Do You Say To
Children About The Divorce
Due to the enormous impact divorce has on children, it’s important to
speak with them about it and assist them to cope with the issue. When
it comes to telling your kids about the divorce: there are three
phrases that it should be done in:
1 – Plan
You and your spouse need to get together and decide what will be told
to the kids. Your children should know what’s going on – and
be truthful about it. Work the logistics of the situation out –
housing, school, etc. You need to share that information with them.
2 – Discuss
After things have been worked out between you and the spouse, it’s time
to talk with them about the changes. Both spouses should be together on
this. Never blame each other, as this can put additional stress on the
kids. Both of you need to let them know how much you love them.
3 – After Discussion Questions
Once you’ve told the kids about the impending divorce, they’re liable
to have some questions. Don’t be surprise if they ask during your
discussion either by trying fielding those off until after the
discussion is over. Answer all their questions without placing blame.
If your children need to talk to a therapist, it’ll help them deal with
the negative emotions.
What Other Methods Can
Help Your Children During This Difficult Time
Divorce is a disruption in everyone’s lives, most especially the young
kids. Be sure you give them lots of stability during this time. It’s
best to go with a divorce attorney that’s also friendly to the entire
family. They can work the logistics out so children stay up-to-date
with proceedings. Possessions are split during
divorces; make the divorce attorney know that you want the housing
situation to remain the same for the kids to give them some security.
Always, above all else, keep the peace with your spouse. You don’t want
the children to feel like they have to pick sides.