How To Properly and Effectively Discuss A Divorce With Your Children

Children are affected by divorce – during the process as well as after it. They may show outward emotional signs of this suffering by being angry, fearful, anxious or depressed. Divorce can have such a negative impact on a child, which is why it’s so important to speak with them and assist them in coping with the issue.

Divorce is an already complicated process, but if you throw children into the mix and it becomes that much more complex. The courts will have to work out child support and custody, but the reality is the parents will have to let the children know that their once-happy-family is breaking up.

How Children Are Hurt and Affected By Divorce

Divorce affects children while the divorce proceedings are going on and when it’s over. According to studies, the effect divorce has on them is both emotional and behavioral. They may not have successful relationship and do poorly in school.

Emotionally they may angry, fearful and depressed. They are easily losing stability in their home – no longer is it both mom and dad but either one or the other.  For that reason, they may feel abandoned and may experience illnesses more often.

Children with divorcing parents may start expressing their anger in behavioral changes:

•    Shouting/yelling
•    Defiance
•    Refusal to listen

These actions can occur in the home and at school. Statistics shows that children with divorced parents tend to have a higher chance of using drugs and alcohol and commit petty crimes. All these actions are the result of divorce.

What Do You Say To Children About The Divorce

Due to the enormous impact divorce has on children, it’s important to speak with them about it and assist them to cope with the issue. When it comes to telling your kids about the divorce: there are three phrases that it should be done in:

1 – Plan

You and your spouse need to get together and decide what will be told to the kids.  Your children should know what’s going on – and be truthful about it. Work the logistics of the situation out – housing, school, etc. You need to share that information with them.

2 – Discuss

After things have been worked out between you and the spouse, it’s time to talk with them about the changes. Both spouses should be together on this. Never blame each other, as this can put additional stress on the kids. Both of you need to let them know how much you love them.

3 – After Discussion Questions

Once you’ve told the kids about the impending divorce, they’re liable to have some questions. Don’t be surprise if they ask during your discussion either by trying fielding those off until after the discussion is over. Answer all their questions without placing blame. If your children need to talk to a therapist, it’ll help them deal with the negative emotions.

What Other Methods Can Help Your Children During This Difficult Time

Divorce is a disruption in everyone’s lives, most especially the young kids. Be sure you give them lots of stability during this time. It’s best to go with a divorce attorney that’s also friendly to the entire family. They can work the logistics out so children stay up-to-date with proceedings.   Possessions are split during divorces; make the divorce attorney know that you want the housing situation to remain the same for the kids to give them some security.

Always, above all else, keep the peace with your spouse. You don’t want the children to feel like they have to pick sides.